To Whomever It May Concern,
My name inscribed on the Mars Rover. I am the president of the Rock, Paper, and
Scissors Association. I have my own
pyramid in Giza, igloo in Canada, and a city in Australia. Once, I ate 6
saltine crackers in under 60 seconds, without anything to drink. Ants dream of
being stepped on by me.
Like Terry Fox, I ran across Canada,
but I ran with no feet. I have a Nobel Prize, the Order of Canada, and nine
followers on Tumblr. The Leaning Tower of Pisa stood perfectly straight until I
kicked it. Chuck Norris fought me, and lost. My face is on the Canadian $500
bill. Unicorns believe that I’m real.
Forget milk-moustaches, I have grown a full
milk-beard. I have dived to the bottom of the Mariana’s Trench, conquered Mount
Everest, and scaled the Empire State Building. I’m not saying that I am
Spiderman, but we’ve never been seen at the same place at the same time. . I
have seen Santa
Einstein learned everything from me.
I am fluent in sarcasm, “burns,” and text lingo. Narnia is in my closet. The
Beatles only crossed Abbey Road to say “Hi,” to me. I flashed a bright smile at
Helen Keller and she wasn’t the same after…
Miley stopped being Hannah Montana
when I stopped being friends with her, some believe her actions now are a cry
for my attention. The Queen respects me, the Pentagon trusts me, and ghosts
fear me. Gandhi came to me for inspiration and advice. I don’t drink and
drive.
And yet, as unbelievable as it seems,
I’ve never gone to University.
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